AWP LA Part I: Day 1 and 2, All the Gossip, Disability and Travel, Poets!

AWP LA Part I, Day 1

Ah, the trip to LA – delayed flights, turbulence the whole time, and snafus with the rental car at LAX (the worst! do Burbank if possible!) meant we were racing across traffic after waking up at six AM and being in travel mode until 8 PM to make it to my Moon City Reading at least partially on time, after the hotel decided “accessible” meant something other than actually accessible (this happens a lot.) Anyway, we made it there, I got to see some friends, snap a pic or two, and then get home to the hotel and collapse without eating, because honestly, too tired to eat! That’s Day 1! (Pic from the Moon City Reading with Lee Horikoshi Roripaugh in the next paragraph.) The weather this whole trip was a little overcast and cool for Californians, which you can tell from the pics, although still warm to me (in the sixties, til nightfall.)

Lee Horikoshi Roripaugh and I at the Moon City Reading, Day 1 of AWP: Purple Light

Day 2 of AWP: So Many Friends, Poets, Publishers

So waking up bright and early day 2, I took a walk on the beach (I always stay away from downtown LA when I go to LA, from the time 25 years ago that I used to come down and present when I was a Microsoft tech person. Because downtown LA is not really LA.) And then hustled down to the conference, to register and meet up with people. I did not get to go to all the talks I wanted to – Beth Ann Fennelly and Hybrid writing, the speculative memoir (what?? right?) and many writers I wanted to see I just didn’t. But there were 10,000 people at this LA, so I guess that’s just statistics.

Anyway, I caught up with several former professors, lots of blogger friends, and some new people that were fans of my work that I hadn’t met yet, which is always a pleasure (and a surprise! Somehow I don’t realize real people actually read my books until I go to these kinds of things.) It was a b

Here’s the book haul from Day 2 and lots of friend pics: Got books by friends but also from good presses like YesYes Books and Word Words and tons of others. Did I come home with too many books? Yes I did!

It is so great to meet press editors and publishers you’ve never heard of. It is great to see West Coast lit mags you didn’t already know about. This is part of what makes AWP fun and worth going to, even if you’re tired and your MS is acting up and you have anxiety about travel and the world. the other part is catching up with people who know and love and might not have seen for a couple of years.

I don’t remember much about the night of Day 2 because I may have fallen asleep literally between events and didn’t make to several things I meant to (Roxane Gay’s keynote was great, but I watched it virtually later on.) Gossip: Roxane Gay bought The Rumpus. I was very happy to hear that as a former Rumpus reviewer, I must admit. She seems good at managing things.

All right, since I am typing this from the hotel and getting ready to fly back to Seattle, I will end there. Guys, stay safe and strong until I can post again. Also: LA is much friendlier and more diverse than Seattle, and you can do something that you couldn’t in Seattle: wake up, stroll across the ocean, pick up fresh masa corn tortillas with honey butter, and eat breakfast on the beach. I’m not at all an LA girl but I’ve got to admit the people are fun (People at LAX – at the airport! – stopped and complimented my clothes, my hair, and my luggage. Before I got  a rental car!) Locals recommended the best restaurants and local music to you, just standing around. and the food is amazing, just stuff we don’t get much in Scandanavian Seattle. Anyway, wait for Part 2: the Reckoning, AWP LA style.

Hello Spring, Plum Blossoms, Almost There: AWP, Renovations, and Health Challenges

A picture of me with plum blossoms

Hello Spring!  Plum Blossoms, and Almost There: AWP, Renovations, and Health Challenges

Well, it’s almost AWP, my bathroom renovations are almost done, and having survived a 24-hour stomach bug AND an emergency vet visit for one of the cats in the same day, it feels like we’re going to make it. Hopefully. (Thunderstorms and hail are predicted for the time of my flight, so think good thoughts!)

Though it’s mostly been a cold, wet, miserable spring so far, the plum blossoms and cherry blossoms and early star magnolias have started blooming, so spring can’t be far behind. I also got my hair to match. Pink for spring!

I hope you are all surviving as well as possible through this period of scary news and economic anxiety, among other things. I hope some sunshine and time with friends will help me shake off some of the low spirits I’ve been experiencing lately, a combination of high anxiety and low-level depression, I think. When your MS acts up (which mine has been lately) it is all you can do to not curse at the pain and non-ability to focus, write, or accomplish even small tasks, and this is all ratcheted up when strange people are in the house at all hours and you can’t get to any of your normal stuff and you and the cats both get sick. So I’m sorry I wasn’t well enough to post yesterday, when I usually do, but I promise an extra exciting post next week, after AWP.

A visit from our bob kitten seems to portend good things ahead, I hope. AWP can be frantic and overwhelming, I know LA has had a lot of hard luck lately, and I expected not to go (so didn’t even apply for talks or readings or anything.

I’m going to try to make it in time for the Moon City Press reading Wednesday night (if my flight, rental car, traffic, etc all make it possible) but otherwise I’ll be seeing friends at the bookfair and by appointment (if you want to see me, send me a message!)

Good luck this week, friends! May your yards be full of bobcats and plum blossoms. May spring come soon and bring better weather, better news and better fortune.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Lunar Eclipses, Dental Work and Cherry Blossoms, Plus MS Flares

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, and First Cherry Blossoms

Happy St. Patrick’s Day to all who celebrate, and happy first cherry blossoms, despite the crazy weather (hail, freezing rain, sunshine – all in one day!) we know spring is almost here.

This week was a tough one for me, including two crowns without Novocain (and a complication on one of them), a mistake in the accessibility remodel that means the end date is pushed back again and more expense, MS acting up (almost always happens after complex dental work for some reason.) So if I’m less expansive and intelligent than usual, you can blame my brain. Anyway, here are some spring blossom photos and me with some temporary crowns.

Full Blood Moon Lunar Eclipses and MS Flares

The same day I got two crowns, we also had a beautiful full lunar eclipse, which I managed to get some pictures of. The bad news is, like many times in the past, getting dental work and lunar eclipses both seem to equal MS flares, and this time was no different. (See this poem about the night I was diagnosed with MS, which was also a Blood Moon Eclipse.) Feeling incredibly fatigued, in pain, and slow-brained and clumsy, we’ve also had to deal with a crown complication, an error made to make the accessible bathroom counter six inches too high (which we have to pay to fix, even though it was the company we hired to design an accessible bathroom’s mistake), and dwindling money and health, plus terrible political news. It has all been very draining. So if I owe you something and you need it urgently, let me know – right now I am postponing things like crazy and trying just to rest and drink fluids until I’m feeling a little better. I am also prepping for AWP and hoping I feel better enough to attend. I could also talk about putting together how submitting a book manuscript can feel incredibly dispiriting and hope-inspiring at the same time, how going through a home renovation is hard on the body and on marriages and checkbooks (so don’t underestimate it!), or how trying to guess how to manage money when a madman has ahold of the economy and is seemingly trying to strange it is tough. Lunar eclipses usually portent a shift in energy. Let’s hope it’s a shift for the better.

Also, here is a link to an excellent Chuck Jones cartoon that you (and hopefully Trump and Elon) can watch to see how valuable it is to have a Department of Health and not to release raw sewage into drinking water (thanks, Trump Supreme Court!) I found HBO Max had taken down all the Looney Tunes classic cartoons just when I need them the most! Boo, Max!

Signs of Spring in a Time of Turmoil, Accessibility and Travel, and Reimagining Your Creative Process

Pink Rhododendrons, Kirkland

Signs of Spring in a Time of Turmoil

There are some signs of spring in the neighborhoods around us, if not quite in my own garden yet – flowers starting to bloom, despite a heavy cold rain that keeps pushing us indoors here in the Pacific Northwest. I am still not able to stay in my home much as the house renovations continue on, slowly, and the house is full of fumes, but I keep trying – going to tidy up, spend time petting and combing the cats, do laundry, rearrange and vacuum things.

The politics of the country do not seem to have improved in the last week, but the shift to Daylight Savings Time better matches my sleep patterns, and longer days seem to help my mood. I am trying to find the joy in small things that I can. I visited a cat cafe in Kirkland, walked along the water (despite cold wind,) visited the dermatologist (no skin cancer, yay, but the doctor was puzzled by apparent allergic reactions to almost nothings that were pretty severe) after my father had melanoma surgery this week (he is recovering just fine.) Self-care during this time feels off. I keep dreaming about packing and repacking suitcases – on the titanic, on a doomed flight, before earthquakes – signaling my body is feeling the stress. So, this week I have some major dental work I’m nervous about – two front crowns, no novocaine, as usual. I hope my body can handle it without major MS flareups. In the meantime, I am waiting for flowers. I hope AWP will be good, despite my usual trepidation about flying (made worse by recent airplane mishaps) and finding a way to navigate LA as a disabled person.

First cherry blossoms, Kirkland

Disability and Travel – Is It Feasible?

So let’s talk about accessibility and travel. Selma Blair was on the cover of Travel & Leisure this month, talking about the difficulties of traveling with MS, which is a strange disease that acts up under stress, illness, and change in routine – which travel pretty much comes with. She is a celebrity with money, and still runs into many challenges. As I have been staying in hotels around the town, I have found “accessible” rooms mean one thing in one hotel, and a completely different thing in another. I booked an accessible room in one hotel, only to find it was “hearing-impaired accessible,” not wheelchair accessible. I booked a different accessible room in another hotel, only to find it had a deep tub/shower combo – I think that would be considered inaccessible to almost anyone, not just me, who was short or didn’t have great balance. So this week I spent a lot of time explaining my disability over the phone and at hotel desks, only to be met by mostly blank stares by people who have never had to deal with this kind of difficulty in their lives. (I have mentioned that valets who tend to be young men are the most empathetic – usually because they’ve had action-oriented accidents that rendered them immobile for a period of time – a broken leg, arm, back, or collarbone from football, or driving, or skiing.) But it was a reminder that the world really does not design for accessibility – even in hotels that tout accessibility and accessible rooms may not have any idea what that means. I’m not even in a wheelchair,  as a reminder – I use a cane but have balance problems that make tubs and stairs difficult. If I was in a wheelchair, some minor inconveniences for me might render a trip impossible. And what about food allergies? Well, some restaurants could easily accommodate no wheat – some could not. Other allergies – for me, garlic, citrus, and tomatoes – were harder to avoid. Some hotels don’t have room service for some meals, and when they do, there are limited options. We can wish for a world that better accommodated disability and food allergies – but I’ve made sure to mention to hotel managers where things are good and where things are not so good, hopefully to help others. (One “accessible shower” had a crazy slippery floor, for instance, and not big enough for a bench.) I have been wanting to go on a big adventure, but doing a little travel around my own neighborhood has shown me the pitfalls of expecting things to be easy for disability, food allergies, etc.

Sunset

Reimagining Your Creative Process

As I’ve been doing this, I’ve been hacking around at my latest book manuscript to get it ready to send out to publishers. I’m trying to integrate the frustrations with politics and disability and being a woman in a non-woman-friendly universe into it without making it unfun to read. I’m trying to come up with working metaphors for the barriers in my life that could be universal, if that makes sense. I’m trying to re-think the way I write a poem, what a poem might look or sound like, for me. Something beyond growing into your own voice, but creating your own vehicles, vessels, forms. I haven’t had much mental space for this, but I feel it is important even in the midst of chaos and uncertainty to continue trying to create. The process of trying to explain my disability over the last few weeks to people over and over triggered a poem about monsterism and disability, the way that the world will make you feel monstrous for not fitting into norms. Not to mention a government that’s suppressing free speech, disappearing pictures of women in government and even pictures of the Enola Gay (because it has the word “gay” in it – these guys are not the sharpest tools in the shed, either.) How do we reshape our creative process in a country that doesn’t even want you to exist, that wants to erase your existence – because you’re a woman who’s not a trad wife, gay, an immigrant, disabled, or even just inconvenient to their narrative? Art is one way to keep people’s ears and eyes open to the cognitive dissonance in the news and in the mouths of politicians. Americans have lost science literacy, math skills, reading skills, over the past few years, so when they encounter lies, how will they even know the difference? Don’t expect journalism to save us – it can be muzzled too easily, see: Gulf of Mexico, Ukraine – but maybe art can. Subversion, irony, the art of observation even when you’re told something doesn’t exist or isn’t there – can help keep reality more survivable for everyone during an oppressive regime. I hope you are surviving and even thriving, that you can find your place to make art and keep your eyes clear.

New Poems at Villain Era, Losing a Writer Friend, A Few Bright Days, and America, the Ukraine, and Appeasing Bullies

New Poems Up at the Villain Era

Charles Jensen has a new online lit mag called Villain Era, and since there’s never been a better time to be in your villain(ess) era, I have two poems up at the venue. Check them out at this link! Sneak peek of one of the poems below.

A Few Bright Days of False Spring

We had a few bright days of “false spring” here during the last week while Glenn painted the bedroom and bathroom (saving us literally thousands of dollars) and here we are out in a well-deserved break at J. Bookwalter’s and Willows Lodge.

We’re still immersed in renovation dust, paint, and unfinished electrical and plumbing. This kind of project is not for the faint of heart. Making a house accessible in incredibly time-consuming and expensive – it would be so much better if homes were designed with accessibility in mind. Chaos is not good for me – I keep having asthma attacks and allergic reactions. Part of this might be other stress related to the news (see: later in this blog post) and just bad news in general. I am ready for more hope and light and good news and health.

Losing a Writer Friend and Honoring Her Voice

My friend and fellow Pacific MFA alum Susan DeFreitas died after a year-long struggle with cancer just a few days ago. After losing several friends in the first few months of 2025, this one hit me hard, especially as her story, described in the essay below, echoes so much of my own experience – not being able to have kids, going back to an MFA at 32 (the same age as me!), expecting to be read earlier and more than she was. Women writers with ambition tend to be talked down to, often discouraged, as students, as emerging writer, even by family and friends, and even more so as their careers advance and as they age. I hope that the essay encourages you to read more of Susan’s work.

Fighting to Be Heard as an Emerging Woman Writer

Sunflowers, blue sky

America and the Ukraine

I was so upset by what Trump/Vance did to Zelensky this week (the shameful Putin-groveling, bullying, the gaslighting) that I have to reiterate my position here and say I stand firmly with Ukraine, and I know I am not the only American to do so. Trump/Vance have sided with Putin and North Korea against all of our allies, including most of Europe – they are on the side of evil, not good. What can we do about it?

Again, we can give to Ukrainian charities, we can write to our representatives and tell them to speak up on Ukraine’s behalf. Have people forgotten what happens when you try to appease a dictator? Appeasement never works. See: WWII, Hitler.

So I am praying for the people of the Ukraine in their brave fight against Putin. And I will encourage Americans to stand up against the despot in charge of our government. Protest, speak out, vote with your dollars. Do not shut up. Do not give in. Do not pretend everything’s okay when it’s clearly not.

I wish all of you a safe and happy week ahead, but also a week of letting your friends know how much they mean to you, not letting discouragement get in the way of doing good work both in art and life.